Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
IDEAFACTORY
i am so tired of having to solve captchas to do everything on myspace. i would use facebook, but its not as fun to make your profile JUST HOW YOU WANT IT. i think what im getting at here, is someone should create something exactly like myspace, earn a fuckload of money, and give me some.
in closing, i understand there is a new ghostbusters game coming out, with all original voices? excuse me yes please pretty please with sugar on top. what kind of shit is that, anyways? "pretty please with sugar on top?" some pre industrial revolution little lord fauntleroy mommy dearest bullshit? isn't it about time we started to clean our beautiful earth of some outdated and useless expressions. just the bad ones. or the stupid ones we never question. why shouldnt we? just get these words and phrases together, and toss them. toss them into a rocket ship along with a few people we can ALL stand to be around, and maybe some paintings given to me by ex girlfriends that i still have, and just fucking blast them into a white dwarf or something. you know?
phrases to eliminate:
"OK." seriously, no one even really know what this means. its thought to have originated from an acronym for a phrase that was popular for maybe less than ten years when it was HILARIOUS to spell words wrong. Oll klear? oll korrekt? ex-fucking-cuse me? i recently checked out a website that had something like 25 different stories on where exactly this came from. who cares! get it OUT of here.
fuck - i use this word way too much and im pretty sure its played out at this point. also includes fucking, fuckity, the use of fuck as a prefrace such as - fuckhead. fucktard, fuckwit, ex-fucking-cuse me. and all other forms. this also includes cute little ALMOST bad words, including frick, shick, poo, doo, and a host of other insane words ive thankfully blocked from my mind.
beaner- wtf? there are PLENTY of other things you can say if you really want to offend someone from mexico. but beans? beans are a a delicious legume. thats like calling someone from america "burgerer" because americans eat lots of hamburgers. hotdogger. get outtttaaa here.
faggot - ive never liked this word, not because it is used as a derogatory term or anything like that, it just has a weird ring to it that i never enjoy, be it a bundle of sticks, a hateful term for a gay person, or an endearing term from one gay person to another. all uses are upsetting. get it out of here. also get nigger out of here as well. it has that same kind of painful pang to it. hearing nigga isnt bad really, because its used in so many amazing rap and hip hop songs that i love. but i hate not being able to comfortably use a word from something that i enjoy. just because of my skin color. pretty much all racist terms can go on this list really, because racism is pppppppprobably the stupidest thing that exists today. with the popiel pocket fisherman in a close 2nd, The Showtime Six Star Plus 25 Knife Set and the Solid Flavor Injector finishing 3rd. seriously though what do you need a fishing pole in your pocket for?
okely dokely - whatever else from ned flanders said. doodley, whatever. dont like it. most of the people who would use this probably never even really watched the simpsons, and just picked this up somewhere. its still okay to reference the simpsons though. its written like the bible or something. a few of the seasons never stop being funny no matter HOW many idiots you hear quote it. amen.
stewie - speaking of cartoons, im not sure if this term existed before family guy, and dont care eitherway.
duh - this one seems to be fading out on its own, as i haven't heard it in at least 8 years, i may have been the first one to have said it in 2008.
hella/hecka - i realize this is a "norcal" or "cali" thing, but i intend on sending this word to space.
thats hot - i know that we hear a lot about celebrity culture, and how celebrities get too much press for being worthless in general. i agree with this, but i had to mention that paris hilton still uses this phrase. i think she even has a patent on the phrase or something. obviously was the first one to string those 2 words together. either way, i make it a point to keep the lives of "young hot hollywood" as far away from my consciousness as possible, but they still end up in my face. this is why we need to take all those black water guys, and put them to work for the good of our country, instead of the shame of it. just let those guys roll dirty in their black SUV's through downtown LA, and just let them massacre whoever is inside of whatever stupid club with whatever stupid name like "milk" or "spoon" or "red" or whatever other stupid shit people have named their worst little whorehouse in LA.
thats just how i roll - okay i admit i find myself using this as a standby from time to time. thats why we need to get RID of it. its like having a gun for protection, only the thing is youre more likely to use it on a loved one.
for shizzle- dizzle- nizzle- all the izzles. - not that anyone really says this stuff anymore, but every now and then you hear some poor asshole who didnt get the memo use this, and it just sends shivers down your spine. ruins your day.
lol/ all emoticons - this one i think is mostly extinct as well, save for the 24,000 or so mongoloids who are spawning under kitchen sinks and going straight to some autonomously myspace account with only friends they dont know, whose comments are 98% blingees.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
one shall pass
so i left vietnam at about 11:30 AM vietnam time, dont know what that is for westcoasters. but it was quite an exit. after having only slept for 2 hours, i had to run to a minibus in a full on suit, while sweating bullets because my bags are fucking heavy with treasure, and its fucking hot as fuck. to add to this genius, i ran out of deodorant 2 days ago, so by the time i got into the plane, and smelled myself, it wasnt good. not good at all. inflight meal, was above average however. and according to the inflight magazine, i get to watch "never back down" on my next flight.
this is a taiwan
that flight wont leave for another 7 hours. which leaves me stranded in the taiwan airport with not much to do. i dont understand the money, and cant find any atm's. i dont think they exist here, pure barter system perhaps. i hope to talk more about my vietnam journey once i get back to the land of seinfeld references and 6 dollar burgers. (i cant fucking wait) i loved vietnam, but if i never ever smell another toasted squid in my life, it will be too soon.
so right now i smell like shit and im going to try to use the sampler deodorant from the upscale cosmetics store. it says tester, so that means i can put it to the test, right? that just seems like a creepy old man thing to me.
is batman out? whats going on i feel an onset of reverse culture shock coming on. someone get me a burgerking tacobell pizzahut bucket right now. with a side of jack in the box, extra box.
this is a taiwan
that flight wont leave for another 7 hours. which leaves me stranded in the taiwan airport with not much to do. i dont understand the money, and cant find any atm's. i dont think they exist here, pure barter system perhaps. i hope to talk more about my vietnam journey once i get back to the land of seinfeld references and 6 dollar burgers. (i cant fucking wait) i loved vietnam, but if i never ever smell another toasted squid in my life, it will be too soon.
so right now i smell like shit and im going to try to use the sampler deodorant from the upscale cosmetics store. it says tester, so that means i can put it to the test, right? that just seems like a creepy old man thing to me.
is batman out? whats going on i feel an onset of reverse culture shock coming on. someone get me a burgerking tacobell pizzahut bucket right now. with a side of jack in the box, extra box.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
prelude to a dream
today i saw the scarriest and most insane mannequin i have ever fucking seen. i do have a picture, but my cord is upstairs, and i HAVE to unload this dream i had last night. first time in a while i wrote down a dream after having it. and it was mos def worth the scribblage. anyways, i swear i really had this, and nothing is imbellished, if anything i left some good stuff out because i couldnt really figure out where it would fit in. so here goes:
LAST NIGHTS DREAM.
I am standing in front of my parents house in chico. i am all alone and looking down the street, as if waiting for something. a mysterious wind begins to blow. scary cars with demonic ornaments and designs begin to wiz down the street past me. i suddenly realize that if i jump on the correct car, i will be able to enter into an episode of the television show "Tales from the crypt keeper". The correct car being the crypt keeper himself's whip. This seems like a really good idea to me at the time. I jump onto the right car, the crypt keepers car. Its a sort of horseless carridge made out of bones, with a bed in the middle. A doll resembling the crypt keeper lies in state. I throw the doll out the bone mobile and i lay in the bed.
a sort of magic beins to fill the air. I jump out of the bed and the real crypt keeper appears in the bed, doing his classic laugh and head nod. he i wearing a spandex american flag tank top, and whipping himself on his back, like the guy from the davinchi code. (ed note:i have no fucking idea here people, im just the messenger of my mind) Anyways, so hes wearing this olympic spandex number, and whipping himself, sitting upright in the bone mobile, which is now wizzing through infinity at a thousnd miles per hour (think warp drive). he is creepy, but in a different way than on the show. not terrifing, just mind boggling.
So the crypt keeper beings talking at this point. He tells me that ive been thinking about luck too much. I ask him if this is a bad thing, and he says no, just that it doesnt exist, and worrying about it is a waste of time.
Next beings a succession of vignettes, the order of which i can only partly recall. The first one i remember:
I am in a surburban home. It is not my own. I am sitting on a couch and i recieve a phone call from my dad (who in this scene is not my dad in real life.) he sort of looks like a guy who would be in a commercial for erectile disfunction. like a bland bald bob saget. anyways, dad not dad asks me a question and i respond. Dad wishes me goodbye, and as he hangs up, i am now watching him from the third person, though not really there. He is in a phone booth outside of some sort of beach resort or country club. A man walks up to dad and remarks that the answer i gave to the question he asked me was a lie. Dad is in disbelief.
Flash
I am standing at the scene of the previous conversation, but no one is around.
Flash
I am in some sort of line to get into the aformentioned country club, and i see a middle aged man talking to a girl i know who works at wells fargo. I end up talking to the girl as if we have never met, and soon we are inside the country club, in a sort of courtyard. The courtyard is empty, and there is a savage river going through the middle.
The fresh prince and jazzy jeff are suddenly with me and the bank girl, looking at the river. A radio sitting on a table tells jazz about 5 storm warnings, and a typhoon warning that are coming. We all start to cross the river on a ragged raft, and we all end up falling in. I am at the bottom of a river, and i cannot swim up. It feels as if hands are holding my arms and legs at the bottom of the river.I escape, and find fresh and jazz have had similar experiences. i jump in to save wells fargo girl.
Flash.
I am sitting at a table with tom waits. The scene is quiet. It is morning, and we are drinking coffee and eating bread. I ask the waitress for some jam, and she brings me a nice delicious looking marmalade and some butter. I start to butter the bread, and marmalade up the bread. It looks like heaven. I remark to tom
"Dont you just love it when you ask for butter and jam, and you get the good stuff. I mean the REALLY good stuff. None of those tiny packets of smuckers jam, but real delicious home made jam." Tom, with a mouth full of bread looks up and responds
"you know.(munching)Ive always just enjoyed bread... straight up. As it is. Plain. Something about the tang of the yeast just gets me." He slowly starts to laugh, and i laugh too.
FLASH
Ryan and I are walking along a bizarre labyrinth of old wooden planks, floating in a swamp. I am towing my snowboard on a little leash. I feel very uneasy. I understand there are dangerous crocs all about. Real man eaters. While walking the ancient planks through the murky swamp, i look down. Through the murky greenish grey water, i can see the whites of the undersides, of a bunch of tiny dead alligators. Floating upside down. I feel something much bigger moving beneath the planks as i continue on, still dragging my snowboard on a leash. From the murky depths, an alligator as big as the one from hook presents himself. His teeth grin, and he snatches up my snowboard with a single munch. It occurs to me that he is after a DNA sequence i have stored in a secret microchip which is located in my pocket. The giant monster jumps out of the water in an instant, with all the fury capible of such a savage beast. Right at the last second i am saved by a giant velocaraptor, who attacks the alligator mid attack (just like the TREX saving the kidz from the raptors in jurassic park.)
FLASH
I am at the enterance to a shopping mall. I see the face of a girl i have not seen in a long time, though i am prety sure she is real. In this scene i approach her as if we were once lovers. She does not know who i am, and i assure her that we have known each other since 7th grade.
Flash
The girl and i are drinking wine in a nice upscale living room, which is lit by candles. The whole vibe is like something from a romantic comedy. A doorbell rings.
FLASH
I am in my old room at my parents house in chico, and i know there is a burgular outside trying to get in. It is late at night. I spring up to catch the rogue in his tracks. I walk down the quiet hall and see all of my family members in their respective sleeping quarters. Though there is a dinosaur in my parents bed with them, and ryan is sleeping in the hall, spooning the dog. I come to the door and fling it open. All of my friends are outside, and it is daylight.
"you guys its 3 AM my time" i say
James says that he forgot, as its only noon their time. James tells me he is pissed, because he is moving back to LA before i move back to chico. We talk and someone mentions the time ryan and i spent in jail in vietnam. I start remembering how we were in jail, and it wasnt really that bad. Someone shows me some pictures of myself in jail on a digital camera, and then bianca leans in with a watch video of me sitting in jail.
FLASH
Ryan and I are in jail in vietnam, though its not that bad because we are in the Hip Hop wing. I am sitting on a bed watching TV. Different channels are my previous scenes from this very dream, though i take little notice, except for a sequel to the alligator drea, in which that darned gator is still after my microchip. I remark to woody harrilson that a sequel to gator hunt is coming out. He is lifting weights and doesnt really care.
Flash
I am checking out from jail.
Flash
i am in a house ive never been to. I am naked. I am in a hallway with lots of doors which lead to single rooms, without windows. girl who is supposedly my sister is in a room looking at herself in a mirror, brushing her hair. She is also naked. I walk to another room, and a girl who i worked with at peets is holding a baby, she is also naked. I walk from room to room and have a series of baffling and insane conversations, as the landscape of the house keeps changing. I keep walking from room to room.
Flash
i wake up.
LAST NIGHTS DREAM.
I am standing in front of my parents house in chico. i am all alone and looking down the street, as if waiting for something. a mysterious wind begins to blow. scary cars with demonic ornaments and designs begin to wiz down the street past me. i suddenly realize that if i jump on the correct car, i will be able to enter into an episode of the television show "Tales from the crypt keeper". The correct car being the crypt keeper himself's whip. This seems like a really good idea to me at the time. I jump onto the right car, the crypt keepers car. Its a sort of horseless carridge made out of bones, with a bed in the middle. A doll resembling the crypt keeper lies in state. I throw the doll out the bone mobile and i lay in the bed.
a sort of magic beins to fill the air. I jump out of the bed and the real crypt keeper appears in the bed, doing his classic laugh and head nod. he i wearing a spandex american flag tank top, and whipping himself on his back, like the guy from the davinchi code. (ed note:i have no fucking idea here people, im just the messenger of my mind) Anyways, so hes wearing this olympic spandex number, and whipping himself, sitting upright in the bone mobile, which is now wizzing through infinity at a thousnd miles per hour (think warp drive). he is creepy, but in a different way than on the show. not terrifing, just mind boggling.
So the crypt keeper beings talking at this point. He tells me that ive been thinking about luck too much. I ask him if this is a bad thing, and he says no, just that it doesnt exist, and worrying about it is a waste of time.
Next beings a succession of vignettes, the order of which i can only partly recall. The first one i remember:
I am in a surburban home. It is not my own. I am sitting on a couch and i recieve a phone call from my dad (who in this scene is not my dad in real life.) he sort of looks like a guy who would be in a commercial for erectile disfunction. like a bland bald bob saget. anyways, dad not dad asks me a question and i respond. Dad wishes me goodbye, and as he hangs up, i am now watching him from the third person, though not really there. He is in a phone booth outside of some sort of beach resort or country club. A man walks up to dad and remarks that the answer i gave to the question he asked me was a lie. Dad is in disbelief.
Flash
I am standing at the scene of the previous conversation, but no one is around.
Flash
I am in some sort of line to get into the aformentioned country club, and i see a middle aged man talking to a girl i know who works at wells fargo. I end up talking to the girl as if we have never met, and soon we are inside the country club, in a sort of courtyard. The courtyard is empty, and there is a savage river going through the middle.
The fresh prince and jazzy jeff are suddenly with me and the bank girl, looking at the river. A radio sitting on a table tells jazz about 5 storm warnings, and a typhoon warning that are coming. We all start to cross the river on a ragged raft, and we all end up falling in. I am at the bottom of a river, and i cannot swim up. It feels as if hands are holding my arms and legs at the bottom of the river.I escape, and find fresh and jazz have had similar experiences. i jump in to save wells fargo girl.
Flash.
I am sitting at a table with tom waits. The scene is quiet. It is morning, and we are drinking coffee and eating bread. I ask the waitress for some jam, and she brings me a nice delicious looking marmalade and some butter. I start to butter the bread, and marmalade up the bread. It looks like heaven. I remark to tom
"Dont you just love it when you ask for butter and jam, and you get the good stuff. I mean the REALLY good stuff. None of those tiny packets of smuckers jam, but real delicious home made jam." Tom, with a mouth full of bread looks up and responds
"you know.(munching)Ive always just enjoyed bread... straight up. As it is. Plain. Something about the tang of the yeast just gets me." He slowly starts to laugh, and i laugh too.
FLASH
Ryan and I are walking along a bizarre labyrinth of old wooden planks, floating in a swamp. I am towing my snowboard on a little leash. I feel very uneasy. I understand there are dangerous crocs all about. Real man eaters. While walking the ancient planks through the murky swamp, i look down. Through the murky greenish grey water, i can see the whites of the undersides, of a bunch of tiny dead alligators. Floating upside down. I feel something much bigger moving beneath the planks as i continue on, still dragging my snowboard on a leash. From the murky depths, an alligator as big as the one from hook presents himself. His teeth grin, and he snatches up my snowboard with a single munch. It occurs to me that he is after a DNA sequence i have stored in a secret microchip which is located in my pocket. The giant monster jumps out of the water in an instant, with all the fury capible of such a savage beast. Right at the last second i am saved by a giant velocaraptor, who attacks the alligator mid attack (just like the TREX saving the kidz from the raptors in jurassic park.)
FLASH
I am at the enterance to a shopping mall. I see the face of a girl i have not seen in a long time, though i am prety sure she is real. In this scene i approach her as if we were once lovers. She does not know who i am, and i assure her that we have known each other since 7th grade.
Flash
The girl and i are drinking wine in a nice upscale living room, which is lit by candles. The whole vibe is like something from a romantic comedy. A doorbell rings.
FLASH
I am in my old room at my parents house in chico, and i know there is a burgular outside trying to get in. It is late at night. I spring up to catch the rogue in his tracks. I walk down the quiet hall and see all of my family members in their respective sleeping quarters. Though there is a dinosaur in my parents bed with them, and ryan is sleeping in the hall, spooning the dog. I come to the door and fling it open. All of my friends are outside, and it is daylight.
"you guys its 3 AM my time" i say
James says that he forgot, as its only noon their time. James tells me he is pissed, because he is moving back to LA before i move back to chico. We talk and someone mentions the time ryan and i spent in jail in vietnam. I start remembering how we were in jail, and it wasnt really that bad. Someone shows me some pictures of myself in jail on a digital camera, and then bianca leans in with a watch video of me sitting in jail.
FLASH
Ryan and I are in jail in vietnam, though its not that bad because we are in the Hip Hop wing. I am sitting on a bed watching TV. Different channels are my previous scenes from this very dream, though i take little notice, except for a sequel to the alligator drea, in which that darned gator is still after my microchip. I remark to woody harrilson that a sequel to gator hunt is coming out. He is lifting weights and doesnt really care.
Flash
I am checking out from jail.
Flash
i am in a house ive never been to. I am naked. I am in a hallway with lots of doors which lead to single rooms, without windows. girl who is supposedly my sister is in a room looking at herself in a mirror, brushing her hair. She is also naked. I walk to another room, and a girl who i worked with at peets is holding a baby, she is also naked. I walk from room to room and have a series of baffling and insane conversations, as the landscape of the house keeps changing. I keep walking from room to room.
Flash
i wake up.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
holiday in cambodia
cambodia is fucking nuts. if you dont know anything about it, do yourself a favor and search on wikipedia for a history of the country, or just the "year zero project" im sure youve all heard the name Pol Pot. and some of you may know of his actions in the 70s. but this shit is fucking INSANE. maybe even more insane than hitlers plan. but both along the same lines. and this was going on up until 79. the country is still raw as fuck, and most people walking the streets have stories you or i could never fathom. that being said, bad things still are going down as we speak. genocide and child slavery. but after visiting the "killing fields" where the mass graves from the year zero project were uncovered, as well as a tower of over 800 skulls recovered from one of the pits. and the clothes the victims wore piled under the skulls, and after visiting the land mine museum, and reading and hearing the stories of the children who are currently growning up, dealing with the aftermath. i will never be the same. i encourage everyone to step out of the box that is america right now. do it quick because like i said, they global corporations are coming and they wont stop till we are all the same. end soapbox, begin pictures. i have a fuckload of pics, but the connections here are so slow, so i will only tease and post a few. ive got a 48 hour bus trip coming tomorrow, and should have some free time to post more this week. these pictures are from the famed 8th wonder of the world, angkor wat, located in the heart of beautiful and fucked up cambodia. love love. robear
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
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